Pop Civics: Rules for Discussing Race Relations in the Media if You are Black

Watching the brouhaha over new Attorney General Eric Holder's speech, I believe I have picked up on the media's rules for black people who want to talk about race.

1. Do not use the word coward. It makes white men want to draw a sword. This gives white men permission to ignore any other part of your speech. Replace coward with the word "immigrants." As in, "we are a nation of immigrants."

2. You must acknowledge any and all failures within the black community before implying that there are harmful things white people are doing to hinder progress. Mentioning absent black fathers, drug use, and crime gets bonus points.

3. When you talk about "self-segregation," you will remind white people about the fact that they only have one black friend. This will make them feel uncool. Instead make this seem like a product of church and geography. White people do not get mad about church, and they do not know geography.

4. Do not mention race relations without acknowledging the election of Barack Obama, which had changed everything and made it impossible for this to be considered a racist country. Pretend the Muslim smears and Palin rallies were washed away in the voting booth.

5. Do not fail to mention that America is the best country on earth, especially for black people. This is especially important if you are going to imply a lack of perfection in our current society.

6. Don't talk about race relations if you are black and your name is not Barack Obama or Bill Cosby. Bill Clinton's black card was removed in South Carolina. If your real last name is Huxtable, or if the Cosby Show was based on your family, then you can talk about how much has changed over the last twenty years.

For those who are like, WTF are you talking about Stiffa, here is Eric Holder's speech:

And here is one example of the media's reaction: